The Alligator Farm

7 Aug

We’ve been trying to explore our new city on the weekends…when we’re not at the beach. Last weekend we decided to drive down to St. Augustine, about a half hour away, to check out the Alligator Farm.

The name’s a little deceiving. There are no alligators growing in rows waiting to be harvested. It’s really more of a zoo than a farm. The gators are great. Really. Big, lazy and smelly. It’s better than it sounds, I swear.

The best (most terrifying?) part of the visit was the raptor exhibit. One of the birds in the raptor exhibit was a marabou stork. I’ve never seen a stork in real life so I started looking all over the exhibit for a white bird in a mailman’s hat. I couldn’t find one…perhaps it was hiding behind the fake zebra carcass? (Because that’s not at all traumatic. A pretty striped horse with it’s fake guts ripped out. Not traumatic. At all.)

I decided to check the informational sign…after reading the description, spotting the stork was easy.

 Have you ever seen a stork? Of course you have. He’s a tall, friendly looking white bird with a mailman’s hat and a pink or blue bundle in his mouth saying “It’s a boy/girl!”  

This is a stork, right? Wrong.

A stork is a huge, terrifying, ugly bird. See?

(What you can’t tell from this picture is that this bird is approximately 4 feet tall)

Seriously? Who thought it was a good idea to tell kids THIS is where babies come from? If I were a kid and someone told me this is where my baby brother was coming from, I’d tell them he could keep it. I don’t want that dumb old baby if that scary ass bird is bringing it. (Pretty sure that’s how I felt about my little brother anyway. Sorry Philip. I like you now.)

Besides being scary and ugly, perhaps you’ve noticed the giant air sack dangling from his chin? The only way to describe this is that it looks like….boy parts. And he scratches it. A lot. Just like boy parts.

So the Alligator Farm was traumatic, scary, smelly. And don’t think for a second I won’t try to talk you into a trip down there when you come to visit. Possibly traumatic for a child….pretty much awesome if you’re a grown up. Smelly no matter how old you are.

(Photos courtesy of Google Images.)


5 Responses to “The Alligator Farm”

  1. bess futrell August 7, 2011 at 4:32 pm #

    Love your blog girlie! And the stork is disgusting!

  2. Jessica August 7, 2011 at 8:03 pm #

    Now if there are going to continue to be inappropriate comments on this blog I might have to rethink reading it. LOL! Just kidding! Love it!

    • Jessica August 7, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

      I meant pictures not comments…see, I was so appalled I didn’t even type correctly!

  3. Walker Haigh August 8, 2011 at 2:19 am #

    Awesome blog….I can’t wait to visit the Alligator Farm when I come down!! Tops on my Bucket List!

  4. Walker Haigh August 8, 2011 at 2:21 am #

    dUgh…..just saw the real picture of a stork! Guess that’s why I only had 2!!!

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