Archive | April, 2012

Random Friday stuff

27 Apr

I haven’t been up to anything crazy exciting this week. Surprised? Yeah me either.

No more magic truck kittens have appeared.

I did, however, see a dragonfly the size of a bird. It was big.

Speaking of birds, I think there’s a bird nesting in my yard. Either that or it just really likes the view of George (my car’s name is George) from my bushes.

My rose’s blooms are so big it fell over and only two of them have opened (it has six more buds). I didn’t have a stake or twine to tie it up so I used dental floss and tied it to itself. Innovative…you can call me MacGyver.



MacGyver-ed. Happy!

I found this recipe on How Sweet this morning.

Roasted Strawberry, Brie and Chocolate Grilled Cheese

It’s weird. Awesomely weird. Get in my belly weird.

I thought about making it for dinner but decided against it. Partly because it’s Friday and I don’t cook on Fridays. I agree, this is worth cooking on a Friday for, but I don’t want to set a bad precedent.

Also, let’s face it, I haven’t got a prayer of convincing my husband, whose culinary taste leans towards the peanut-butter-no-jelly variety, to touch this with a ten foot pole.

I can hear him now… “Can you make mine with regular cheese? And maybe leave off the chocolate? And the strawberries? And could you add bacon to mine?”

I know. I don’t get it either.


Magic Truck

23 Apr

Yesterday was exciting. Jacob’s truck had a kitten. This truck just got way cooler.

Yesterday afternoon we were leaving to go to the gym when I heard a strange meowing coming from under Jacob’s truck. We have a neighborhood cat that likes to climb on our cars and I was afraid that Tiger had somehow gotten himself stuck in the under carriage of the truck. I didn’t see anything just looking so I climbed under the truck. There on the wheel rod thingie was the cutest teeniest tiniest little kitten I’ve ever seen.

Really. The cutest kitten I’ve ever seen. She was orange and stripey with blue eyes. I wanted to keep her. So wanted to keep her.

Jacob asked what I was going to do with her. Duh, keep her! Yay, new kitten!

I figured it would be bad karma to steal someone’s kitten, so I sent him on to the gym (finding a kitten=perfect excuse to skip the gym!) while I tried to find out if anyone in the neighborhood had lost one. Nope.

All the neighbors immediately fell in love with her and started bringing out kitten food and supplies for the new neighborhood pet. (Finding a kitten=neighborhood bonding experience.)

Have I mentioned I wanted to keep this kitten? So much. Wanted to keep her forever and ever. So I took her home.

Harley was…umm…very excited about the new friend I brought home. He wanted to play with her. I think the same way he plays with lizards. His social skills have not improved in the last few days so that seemed like a bad idea.

I may have forgotten to mention that I am VERY allergic to cats. I’m also allergic to dogs but manage just fine with Harley as long as I remember to take an allergy pill. Unfortunately, that did not seem to be working with the kitten. After an hour of holding her and playing with her, my throat was on fire, I was wheezing and I was starting to break out in hives.

Sad. No kittens for me. It took two Benadryl (Benadryls? Benadri? I’m not sure of the plural for that) and a shower before I could breathe again. (Yes, this meant I was useless for the rest of the night but it was Sunday and I don’t cook on Sunday anyway.)

Luckily, a neighbor two houses down had fallen equally in love and she took the kitten in. She swears she’s not keeping her, that she’s going to pawn her off on another of neighbor of our’s who wasn’t home yesterday, but I don’t believe her. That kitten isn’t going anywhere.

Today, I’ve been going outside every few hours to see if any of the cars have magically produced another kitten. A hypoallergenic one. No luck yet.

So lots of excitement yesterday. Unfortunately, I was so excited about the super adorable kitten that I forgot to take a picture of the super adorable kitten. Sorry.

Instead, here is another picture of my lizard hunter lizard hunting.


I'm going in!


Yay me!

20 Apr

What? Did I get a job? No, why would you think that? OH…the whole “yay me” thing?

Nope, I just wanted to let you know I got my reward for three posts in a row (that’s the “yay me” thing). See?

Lemon flavored = fruit = healthy!

Yes, it was delicious. I had it for lunch. What? It’s lemon…fruit for lunch is healthy.

What’s that? Is this the only cupcake I bought? Umm…sure. Of course.

What do you mean you don’t believe me?

Damn you. You know me too well.

How many did I buy? Not many. Really. Ok fine! I bought five! Yes, five. I like to have options.

Also, it occurs to me that I would be much more productive if I were rewarded in cupcakes for everything I do. Made dinner? Cupcake for me! Did the laundry? Cupcake! Vacuumed the house? Three cupcakes! (I REALLY hate to vacuum.)

Potential employers? I hope you’re paying attention. I pretty much just said I will work for cupcakes.

I also wanted to brag again about all the pretty flowers in my yard that I had absolutely nothing to do with growing. But they’re in my yard…soooo…pretty sure I get the credit! Yay me!

See? Pretty flowers.

Hibiscus...yes we moved to Hawaii. You didn't know?

Pink rose

UFO---Unidentified Flowering Object

They’re better in person.

You should really see them in person. Now. They’re ready now. Get in your car. I’ll wait.

What? Well, I know it’s a long drive to Florida. You don’t want to drive all the way here just to see flowers? Well, you could stay awhile and visit too. Please? I’ll buy you cupcakes….

What do you mean that doesn’t work on everyone?

Oh fine then. Just look at the pictures.

Here is a picture of the plant I AM responsible for growing.

Is there a Plant Protective Services? Because if so...I have a feeling they'll be paying me a visit soon.

In other news, someone should inform the ducks around here that this is a family neighborhood. I saw two of them having sex…on the sidewalk…..outside of the elementary school….at get out of school time. Inappropriate. And probably traumatizing for children. And me. I didn’t know ducks did that. I don’t know where I thought baby ducks came from….magic eggs? Apparently not.

Handgun Barbie

19 Apr

Three in a row! Have I mentioned I’m on a roll? ‘Cause I am!

So I told you I have a new hobby. I do. What is it you ask?

Shooting guns.

Handgun Barbie. Bullet proof vest not included.

I can hear most of you now “WHAT?!? Who thought it was a good idea to give HER a gun?!”

This is pretty much the verbatim reaction of my husband. He does not think my new hobby is a good idea. He thinks chances are high that he’ll get shot. Again, I often have to disregard what he thinks.

Because shooting guns? Is all kinds of so much fun!

And I’ll be honest…shooting a handgun makes me feel pretty badass.

And I’m actually not that bad at it. See?

Dead Bad Guy

This in and of itself is big news because I have no hand-eye coordination. At all. Yes, this means I suck at sports. Yes, all of them.

I went to the shooting range for the first time with my mom and her best friend and we had such a good time we went back the next day. In fact, we had so much fun Mom got me a subscription to Garden and Gun as an anniversary present so I can read about guns. And why I kill everything in my yard.

Now we’re planning to get our concealed carry permits. That’s right…I’ll be packing. Bring it, Bad Guys.

After I get my permit…I’m getting a gun. A pink one. Yes, they make them. No, it does not decrease your badass quotient if your gun is pink. Pretty and functional makes it that much more awesome.

So yeah…I like shooting guns. A lot. You may all want to hide now. Well, not yet…I haven’t gotten my gun yet. I’ll let you know when I do so you can invest in a bullet proof vest.

Oh, and again, for those of you counting, that’s three posts THIS WEEK. Pretty sure that earns me a cupcake!


Status update

18 Apr

See? I told you I’m trying! Two posts in one week…you are so lucky! I realized that while I posted yesterday I didn’t actually tell you what’s been happening around here. And I know you’re dying to know. Because it’s that exciting. (Also, you should probably rethink your definition of exciting.)

Harley and I have a had few creature encounters.

We had another squirrel on the porch. I really need to start checking the porch before I turn the dog loose. Or possibly just start closing the screen door. Harley caught him, then let him go, then caught him, then let him go, then I caught Harley. It would have been funny except for all of the squirrel screaming. Squirrel screaming is a fairly disturbing sound.

We had a snake, also on the porch. Harley handled it better than the time he found a turtle…meaning he did not hide behind me and bark. He just stood in front of it and barked. A lot. And dodged strikes. This was not a happy snake…very bitey. It was a good snake though, so we didn’t kill it. Hopefully he’s hanging around keeping the water moccasins from across the street out of my yard. I’m not afraid of snakes, but a moccasin on my porch? No.


Harley vs. Snake


Harley has become a lizard hunting machine. He does tend to get somewhat upset when they stop playing with him though. I keep trying to tell him that picking them up by their heads and throwing them in the air is not a good way to make new friends. When they stop getting up to play, he starts to bark at them. And step on them. I think we need to work on his social skills.

Speaking of lizards…I also had this…whatever it is….on my porch. It’s bigger than it looks….about 12 inches long and as big around as a garden hose. WTF? Lizards are supposed to be little and green. I think this is a baby dragon.

Baby dragon. Breathes fire. Maybe.

I need to send a thank you note to the folks who lived here before us. Her roses are making me very happy. Thank goodness they planted stuff that’s tough enough to survive without my help. Considering that the only plant I have ever been able to keep alive is a cactus (and to be honest…it’s not looking good for it either) I don’t think there was much hope of me actually growing a rose. Or anything else.

See? Pretty!

Still job hunting. I’ve had one phone interview and one in person. Both seemed like they went pretty well but we’ll see. Being a housewife is better this time around, though. It’s kinda fun when I go meet friends for lunch and they complain about going back to work and I get to go home. Or to the beach. Or shopping. Or take a nap.

Monday was our first wedding anniverary. Instead of paper, the husband decided this was the booze anniversary and got me a case of wine. I’m ok with that. Bonus: There were no tornadoes!

Oh…and I’ve been baking. A lot. Mostly recipes from Jessica at How Sweet. You know I love her…and those of you who tried the crack cookies and the snicker-chip-doodle cookies…you love her too.

Oh…and I have a new hobby which I will tell you about in ANOTHER post. (I am on a roll!)

So I think that wraps up the last few weeks. Any questions?

PS. The baby dragon hung around for a few days so I named him Larry.

PPS. Larry is the only lizard we have that Harley never even noticed. My dog? Champion hunter.

Posting about not posting

17 Apr

I have a constant inner monologue going (everyone does, don’t they?). And ok, I’ll admit it, sometimes mine turns into a dialogue (this does not make me crazy…don’t tell me you’ve never argued with yourself…don’t you have a conscience?…I’m normal…really…maybe….no?…ok, crazy it is).

And no, this monologue does not always stop when I’m talking to you. If I’m just smiling and nodding, I’ve probably tuned you out because the conversation in my head is more interesting. I told you, I find myself quite entertaining.

So anyway, when I lay down at night my mind is usually still racing through 50,000 (yes, really, 50,000) things and jumping from one completely unrelated subject to another. Somehow, I am able to organize these random thoughts into entertaining and somewhat witty blog posts. In my head. When I get up in the morning and attempt to put them here….I got nothing. NOTHING. At all. Not two sentences, not two words.

Now, because I have yet to find the mute button for my inner monologue, I often have trouble falling asleep. This is why, if you open any cabinet or drawer in any bathroom of my house, you will likely find multiple boxes of Benadryl and NyQuil (I like to be prepared). And yes, I know they make pills specifically for sleeping, but NyQuil and Benadryl don’t contain warnings that I may eat or drive in my sleep. My driving record is not the greatest when I’m awake…sleep-driving could be bad. Or possibly an improvement.

Perhaps this is why the posts I write when I’m trying to fall asleep seem good at the time…everything’s funnier when you’re medicated. Especially if you add a little wine. Which I do.

Anyway, the point of this was to tell you that I TRY to post more often. Really, I do. Sadly, I have yet to find the meds that cause you to sleep-blog. On the other hand, it’s been less than three weeks since my last post….so….Yay me!