Archive | September, 2012

Doomed

30 Sep

I have new potential victims for the Black Thumb of Death.

My in-laws visited this weekend and my mother-in-law loves plants so she helped pick some new ones for the yard. Yes, she knows about my plant-killing tendencies…she is in denial. And we bought cheap-ish plants.

Ever since we moved to Florida I have wanted fruit trees and this weekend I found some. I now have a key lime tree and a meyer lemon tree in my back yard. (In the spot where my yellow rose recently bit the dust.)

Key lime tree…see the limes? Time for mojitos!

Because I am impatient (Yes Lauren, I know patience is a virtue, but again, it is not one I possess), we bought trees that already have fruit on them. Of course we did…otherwise it’s just another stick with leaves on it…I have those already. So, hopefully…in a week or so… if they’re not dead… I’ll have lemons and limes in my yard. Yay!

I also got some herbs. My guess is these will be the first to die. If they last the week…I’ll be happy! I tried herbs once…it didn’t go well. I fried them in their pots on my balcolny. Apparently they don’t like 100+ temps with no water. Who knew?

I’m growing (or killing is probably a better word) basil, cilantro, mint and rosemary.

Rosemary…looks good…for now.

The thing with herbs is that I like to touch them….obviously right? That’s the best way to smell them…crush up the leaves in your hand. But I’m kind of allergic to everything so after playing with herbs all afternoon I had to come home and take a Benadryl because my hands were swollen. Awesome. The husband will be on herb-cutting duty from now on.

(Side note: Did I tell you about burning the heck out of my hands chopping jalapenos for salsa this summer? No? Well, I did. Apparently you need gloves when chopping spicy things. Did everyone know that but me? FYI…you can wash them, pour olive oil on them, soak them in milk, soak them in cold water, run them under hot water, take Benadryl, take Advil and try anything else you can think of but the only thing that makes the burning stop is waiting it out. For 48 hours. Of pain. Just use the gloves. Trust me.)

We also planted a rose (I know, I know…I’ve already proven that this was a bad idea) and a bougainvillea at the mail box and a giant iris out back.

New roses. Doomed from the start.

For my birthday my mother-in-law gave a plumeria tree since I decided while we were in St. Kitts that I had to have one in my yard right now please and thank you. I have high hopes for this tree but the fact is, it’s chances aren’t good. It’s a tropical tree and Jacksonville is hot as hell but not technically tropical. So….yeah…we’ll see.

Plumeria…I kinda forgot it takes awhile for a tree to flower. I really like the pretty-smelly-good flowers.

So, who’s taking bets on how long it’ll take me to kill this stuff? I’ve got a hundred bucks on everything being dead by Christmas. (I know…I’m trying to be optimistic.)

Happy Birthday to Me!

18 Sep

Today is my birthday. I am 30.

No, wait. That can’t be right. Let’s see…2012-1982=….30?

No. That’s wrong. It must be. I’m bad at math. Really bad.

So…it can’t be. I cannot be 30.

If I am 30 that means I am a Grown Up. Capital letters. That means it’s all important and official.  I CANNOT be a Grown Up.

When you’re a Grown Up you are all mature and responsible. When you’re a Grown Up you have your shit together. When you’re a Grown Up you don’t watch ABC Family obsessively. When you’re a Grown Up you don’t eat four cupcakes on your birthday just because they’re there and they’re delicious and you can.

I am so not a Grown Up.

The extent of my Grown Up-ness consists of going to work. And drinking wine. That’s kind of Grown Up-y.

Most of the time, ok all of the time, I feel like I’m a kid and I’m just pretending to be an adult. I keep waiting for someone to walk in and say, “Ok, enough. You have no idea what you’re doing!”

At which point I will issue a classic, super Grown Up, response. “DUH!”

Of course I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m making it up as I go along and hoping like I hell that I get it right and that everyone else is doing the same thing and is too busy making up their thing to notice that I have no idea what I’m doing.

I have a lot more to say on this topic but I think I’m going to go to bed. I have a tummy ache. Probably because I am not a Grown Up and I DID eat four cupcakes today.

So…to be continued…probably…maybe…we’ll see…but you know how I am…so don’t count on it….but I’m a Grown Up now so maybe I’ll surprise you…or maybe not.

Breakfast of champions…and Grown Ups!

Things I’ve Killed and Other Stuff

17 Sep

Please don’t ask me to water your plants. Or check on them while you’re out of town. Or to do anything regarding anything that grows in the ground.

Unless you’re sick of it and want it dead. Then I’m your girl.

I have killed a number of things since I started work. Okay, it’s not really work’s fault. I just tend to kill things. Plant-y things, I mean.

Green thumb? No…more like Black Thumb of Death.

Below is evidence in the upcoming murder case.

Exhibit A. Yellow Rose. Cause of death: Homicide.

Exhibit B. Black Thumb of Death strikes again!

Exhibit C. Cut roses. So not my fault!

In, other news, today is the last day of my twenties. I spent it doing super fun stuff, like laundry. See?

Dead clothes.

Okay, that’s not really how I do laundry (usually)(only sometimes)(when I’m super lazy)(and it’s dry clean only, because really? no.).

That is the result of three hours of cleaning out my closet. Oh yes, twenties are going out with a bang.

Random Stuff

11 Sep

So I said I had more stuff. I do.

Sort of.

Kind of. Maybe?

OK, nothing really interesting but just stuff.

We went home for Labor Day. Yay! We spent a few days at the beach celebrating Labor (?) and my dad’s birthday. Two of our best friends joined us with their two year old son.

Cutest. Kid. Ever.

Yeah, all your kids are cute but this one is cuter. I have an awesome picture of him in a hat and sunglasses but my camera doesn’t have the connect-y cord thing so you’ll just have to trust me. So cute.

Great weekend.

My mom is working at the gun range….which is awesome. She is also building her own personal arsenal, so bad guys? Yeah, you may want to skip her house. Just sayin’.

My blog has gone international. It has had viewers (ok probably just one) in Qatar (and John R….this had to be you…so if you read it again, thanks!) and Venezuela (again probably just one) but it totally counts.

Also, I was a little…umm…disturbed when I saw that one of the search terms that led someone to my blog was “torture chamber”. I used this phrase in a post about the gym (which I HATE). What disturbs me, is that someone is searching this term. Really? WTF are you doing with that information?

I am really glad that my blog doesn’t have any location specific information. Really glad.

“They” (those poeple who do things) are messing up my Target. They tell me it is going to be better…but for now…it is wrong. I don’t like it when it’s wrong. They put the books in the back. The back! Wrong.

Harley loves me more than Jacob. This isn’t news…he’s a momma’s boy….but it was still really funny when Jacob tried to pick him up and he walked away and climbed in my lap. Ha! He showed you!

So that’s it…completely random stuff that doesn’t form a cohesive post so I put it in a random, rambling post titled “Random Stuff”. Feel free to skip this post, if you like. Although, if you’ve made it this far, it’s too late for that. Sorry.