The First Thanksgiving (not the one with pilgrims)

28 Nov

Yay Thanksgiving! I fully support any holiday during which you eat until you cannot possibly shove another bite in your pie hole. (And really any holiday with pie to shove in said pie hole.)

The only kind of holiday I like better than a food holiday is a present holiday. I like presents. Presents are better than food. Sometimes. Depends on who’s giving.

Anyway…back to Thanksgiving. I hope your’s was good because mine was awesome. I shot guns, ate delicious food, hung out with the family, ate more good food, saw my first Bond movie (yes, I know my cinematic education is lacking) and shopped with one of my besties. But not on Black Friday. Never on Black Friday.

But before actual Thanksgiving, we hosted Florida Family Thanksgiving, aka My First Thanksgiving, aka My First dinner for More than Four People, aka My First Turkey.

I don’t like raw chicken…it’s gross…so I don’t cook chickens (well…I cook chicken only when I can slide it out of a package and not have to touch it) and everyone kept telling me it was just like roasting a chicken so then I had to explain why I don’t roast chickens and basically it wasn’t helpful at all.

But…I decided to be brave. I went to the store and bought a bowling ball that they claimed was a turkey but no bird could weigh that damn much. Unless it’s a dinosaur. Pterodactyls could probably weigh that much. So we maybe we had a Thanksgiving pterodactyl.

I brought it home and looked up lots of turkey roasting recipes but they were long and I didn’t feel like reading them so I just covered it with a thick layer of butter and salt and pepper and herbs and shoved a bunch of herbs in the giant hole where his guts are supposed to be. (I figured if it was inedible at least it would smell good!) (And yes I remembered to remove the leftover guts first.)

So anyway…I cooked the turkey…and surprisingly it was not only edible but pretty good. And I’m not really a big turkey person. (I prefer my turkey processed and deli sliced, thanks.) So…yay me!

I also made a sweet potato soufflé (so delicious it should have been dessert…I am totally ok with vegetables that taste like dessert), an apple/pecan/bacon/sage risotto (grains, fruit, protein vegetable and dairy in one dish…this is a superfood) (yes, I’m counting sage as a’s green), a spinach salad (it was salad….how good could it be?), a chess pie (which, if you’ve never had/heard of this your life is not complete and you need to call me…also, this makes a wonderful balanced breakfast when topped with ice cream), a chocolate chess pie (ditto) and cheesecake brownies.

Some how…I guess I forgot that other people were bringing food and that this was just Thanksgiving and not the Last Supper.

The husband kept wandering through the kitchen while I was cooking reminding me that there were only going to be 7 of us. He apparently forgot how much he usually eats. Most of the recipes I make say they serve six but we get maybe three servings so I cooked for an army.

Nothing wrong with leftovers. It’s not Thanksgiving if there are no leftovers. Then it’s just dinner with stretchy pants.

We had big plans for the night. A dance party was anticipated, someone brought tools for beer pong.

No one factored in 7 people consuming 70lbs of food and a pterodactyl. After dinner we all collapsed in a food induced stupor and put in that classic holiday movie…Zach and Miri Make a Porno. 

Yep, classy after dinner entertainment. Didn’t matter…everyone was gone and we were in bed by 11. Apparently pterodactyls have way more tryptophan than turkeys.

All in all…success! Looking forward to the next Florida Family holiday…we’re thinking New Year’s. Without so much pterodactyl so maybe we’ll make it to midnight…


Miss Me Yet?

12 Nov

It’s been awhile…I know. I’m sorry. Like I said, I have a job now and I get paid to play on the computer so playing on the computer when I’m not getting paid has lost some of it’s appeal.

And we’ve been busy. Really busy. But I’m not busy right this minute so I thought… “Hey, I bet they miss me. I should visit.” But then I decided I didn’t have enough time to drive to see everyone of you so…you get a post instead!

News first…the husband got a Big Time Major Promotion (capital letters ’cause it’s important and stuff). Yay husband!

He is officially the Rolling Mill Superintendent which means absolutely nothing to you unless you work in a steel mill or are married to someone who does. But trust me…this is a big deal. No really, it is. True story.

The steel mill is split into two sections: the Rolling Mill and the Melt Shop. He is now the boss of the whole Rolling Mill (and one of the youngest superintendents the company has ever had). So again…yay husband! (It’s completely ok for me to brag about my husband…I’m not saying how awesome I am so it’s not rude…although…I am. Totally awesome, I mean. Not bragging…just stating the facts.)

So what does this mean for us? Well, it means we will probably be in Jacksonville a little longer than we would have been otherwise. Yay!!

Not that I’m suddenly all “Yay Florida!” I’d still rather be in NC. But given that the alternatives could be BFE, Kentucky (Sorry Kentuckians…not interested in your blizzard-y, tornado-y state) or Polar Bear Country, Canada (I don’t do cold…well, not polar bear cold, anyway)…Yay Florida!!

Along the lines of Yay Florida…we went to the International Food and Wine Festival at Epcot with some friends. Day drinking and binge eating at the Happiest Place on Earth? Yay Florida!

There was, obviously, much wine/beer/liquor drinking (oh yes….they call it the Food and WINE Festival but they serve beer and mixed drinks too) and lots of junk eating and lots of making fun of people who had obviously had too much Disney (and probably too much Festival) and a good time was had by all.

We are going back next year if anyone else wants to join. We will have matching t-shirts so we fit in next time.


30 Sep

I have new potential victims for the Black Thumb of Death.

My in-laws visited this weekend and my mother-in-law loves plants so she helped pick some new ones for the yard. Yes, she knows about my plant-killing tendencies…she is in denial. And we bought cheap-ish plants.

Ever since we moved to Florida I have wanted fruit trees and this weekend I found some. I now have a key lime tree and a meyer lemon tree in my back yard. (In the spot where my yellow rose recently bit the dust.)

Key lime tree…see the limes? Time for mojitos!

Because I am impatient (Yes Lauren, I know patience is a virtue, but again, it is not one I possess), we bought trees that already have fruit on them. Of course we did…otherwise it’s just another stick with leaves on it…I have those already. So, hopefully…in a week or so… if they’re not dead… I’ll have lemons and limes in my yard. Yay!

I also got some herbs. My guess is these will be the first to die. If they last the week…I’ll be happy! I tried herbs once…it didn’t go well. I fried them in their pots on my balcolny. Apparently they don’t like 100+ temps with no water. Who knew?

I’m growing (or killing is probably a better word) basil, cilantro, mint and rosemary.

Rosemary…looks good…for now.

The thing with herbs is that I like to touch them….obviously right? That’s the best way to smell them…crush up the leaves in your hand. But I’m kind of allergic to everything so after playing with herbs all afternoon I had to come home and take a Benadryl because my hands were swollen. Awesome. The husband will be on herb-cutting duty from now on.

(Side note: Did I tell you about burning the heck out of my hands chopping jalapenos for salsa this summer? No? Well, I did. Apparently you need gloves when chopping spicy things. Did everyone know that but me? FYI…you can wash them, pour olive oil on them, soak them in milk, soak them in cold water, run them under hot water, take Benadryl, take Advil and try anything else you can think of but the only thing that makes the burning stop is waiting it out. For 48 hours. Of pain. Just use the gloves. Trust me.)

We also planted a rose (I know, I know…I’ve already proven that this was a bad idea) and a bougainvillea at the mail box and a giant iris out back.

New roses. Doomed from the start.

For my birthday my mother-in-law gave a plumeria tree since I decided while we were in St. Kitts that I had to have one in my yard right now please and thank you. I have high hopes for this tree but the fact is, it’s chances aren’t good. It’s a tropical tree and Jacksonville is hot as hell but not technically tropical. So….yeah…we’ll see.

Plumeria…I kinda forgot it takes awhile for a tree to flower. I really like the pretty-smelly-good flowers.

So, who’s taking bets on how long it’ll take me to kill this stuff? I’ve got a hundred bucks on everything being dead by Christmas. (I know…I’m trying to be optimistic.)

Happy Birthday to Me!

18 Sep

Today is my birthday. I am 30.

No, wait. That can’t be right. Let’s see…2012-1982=….30?

No. That’s wrong. It must be. I’m bad at math. Really bad.

So…it can’t be. I cannot be 30.

If I am 30 that means I am a Grown Up. Capital letters. That means it’s all important and official.  I CANNOT be a Grown Up.

When you’re a Grown Up you are all mature and responsible. When you’re a Grown Up you have your shit together. When you’re a Grown Up you don’t watch ABC Family obsessively. When you’re a Grown Up you don’t eat four cupcakes on your birthday just because they’re there and they’re delicious and you can.

I am so not a Grown Up.

The extent of my Grown Up-ness consists of going to work. And drinking wine. That’s kind of Grown Up-y.

Most of the time, ok all of the time, I feel like I’m a kid and I’m just pretending to be an adult. I keep waiting for someone to walk in and say, “Ok, enough. You have no idea what you’re doing!”

At which point I will issue a classic, super Grown Up, response. “DUH!”

Of course I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m making it up as I go along and hoping like I hell that I get it right and that everyone else is doing the same thing and is too busy making up their thing to notice that I have no idea what I’m doing.

I have a lot more to say on this topic but I think I’m going to go to bed. I have a tummy ache. Probably because I am not a Grown Up and I DID eat four cupcakes today.

So…to be continued…probably…maybe…we’ll see…but you know how I am…so don’t count on it….but I’m a Grown Up now so maybe I’ll surprise you…or maybe not.

Breakfast of champions…and Grown Ups!

Things I’ve Killed and Other Stuff

17 Sep

Please don’t ask me to water your plants. Or check on them while you’re out of town. Or to do anything regarding anything that grows in the ground.

Unless you’re sick of it and want it dead. Then I’m your girl.

I have killed a number of things since I started work. Okay, it’s not really work’s fault. I just tend to kill things. Plant-y things, I mean.

Green thumb? No…more like Black Thumb of Death.

Below is evidence in the upcoming murder case.

Exhibit A. Yellow Rose. Cause of death: Homicide.

Exhibit B. Black Thumb of Death strikes again!

Exhibit C. Cut roses. So not my fault!

In, other news, today is the last day of my twenties. I spent it doing super fun stuff, like laundry. See?

Dead clothes.

Okay, that’s not really how I do laundry (usually)(only sometimes)(when I’m super lazy)(and it’s dry clean only, because really? no.).

That is the result of three hours of cleaning out my closet. Oh yes, twenties are going out with a bang.

Random Stuff

11 Sep

So I said I had more stuff. I do.

Sort of.

Kind of. Maybe?

OK, nothing really interesting but just stuff.

We went home for Labor Day. Yay! We spent a few days at the beach celebrating Labor (?) and my dad’s birthday. Two of our best friends joined us with their two year old son.

Cutest. Kid. Ever.

Yeah, all your kids are cute but this one is cuter. I have an awesome picture of him in a hat and sunglasses but my camera doesn’t have the connect-y cord thing so you’ll just have to trust me. So cute.

Great weekend.

My mom is working at the gun range….which is awesome. She is also building her own personal arsenal, so bad guys? Yeah, you may want to skip her house. Just sayin’.

My blog has gone international. It has had viewers (ok probably just one) in Qatar (and John R….this had to be you…so if you read it again, thanks!) and Venezuela (again probably just one) but it totally counts.

Also, I was a little…umm…disturbed when I saw that one of the search terms that led someone to my blog was “torture chamber”. I used this phrase in a post about the gym (which I HATE). What disturbs me, is that someone is searching this term. Really? WTF are you doing with that information?

I am really glad that my blog doesn’t have any location specific information. Really glad.

“They” (those poeple who do things) are messing up my Target. They tell me it is going to be better…but for now…it is wrong. I don’t like it when it’s wrong. They put the books in the back. The back! Wrong.

Harley loves me more than Jacob. This isn’t news…he’s a momma’s boy….but it was still really funny when Jacob tried to pick him up and he walked away and climbed in my lap. Ha! He showed you!

So that’s it…completely random stuff that doesn’t form a cohesive post so I put it in a random, rambling post titled “Random Stuff”. Feel free to skip this post, if you like. Although, if you’ve made it this far, it’s too late for that. Sorry.

Busy Again

26 Aug

So…I’m busy again. Yes, that means I got a new job. You may cheer now.

<Pause for  cheering>

Thank you, thank you. I’m very excited about this and even more excited about the PAYCHECK I got on Friday. Yay paychecks!

Unfortunately, I was still unable to find a job looking at food porn.

Instead, I’m working for a small financial company and am excited to learn about a new industry. Seems like a good company and they treat employees really well. Really, really well. And they only work half days on Fridays. So…yeah that doesn’t suck. This is how I spent my Friday afternoon:

Happy Half-Day Friday!

So…yay job!

So a quick run down of everything else that’s been going on in the last few weeks:

We had some friends over for dinner…I made blueberry-basil margaritas. They were delicious and very healthy as they had both fruit and something green in them.

Our computer crashed. It was bad…I felt a little lost without my food porn. Luckily, after working for a software company, I know some handy tech-y people who will work for cookies.

I found snake number two on our porch. Jacob was less helpful than I hoped with the last snake so I just handled this one on my own. He was smaller than the last one but just as bitey. Here is a picture:

Snake 2.0

We also made a trip to the Emergency Room. In the nine years Jacob and I have been together we have made two trips to the ER. Both have been in the year since we moved to Florida. Conclusion? Florida is bad for our health.

Apparently, Jacob dislocated his toe during a soccer game. I met him at the hospital where the relocating of his toe involved shots, drugs, multiple doctors and lots of screaming.

J’s relocated toe

So that’s most of what happened. There’s more but it’s time for me to eat and food trumps blog. I’ll save it for next time. (Don’t worry…I wrote it down.)